such that there would be no time to prepare or plan
ahead. It just happens ; they enjoy it and before they
could say Jack Robinson , it all ends .
At some other times , they plan for it , look forward to
it , relish the thought of it happening , and it happens
anyway . But , behind the fantasies people build
around sex, findings have shown that both men and
women have some fears about their performance in
bed . These could even make them nervous , but these
are fears they often don ’ t want to share with anyone ,
not even their partner.
Though, men may sound promising and appear
fearless when it comes to sex, right behind that
bravery , experts say there could be fears lurking
behind. These are some of them and how to deal
with them :
Fear of premature ejaculation :
Longer sexual intercourse does not only help men to
enjoy sex the more , it also boosts their ego. This
means the longer they go , the stronger their
confidence. Thus, according to experts , and a post on
Times of India , the fear of ejaculating so quickly is
one main factor that unsettles them during sexual
performance. From a study conducted by two
scientists , Eric Corty and Jenay Guardiani , of
Pennsylvania State University in the United States ,
satisfactory sexual intercourse for men should be
between seven and 13 minutes. Thus , if a man
ejaculates before seven minutes , it could be deemed
premature and such could erode his confidence .
Notably , premature ejaculation has been linked to
anxiety, stress , guilt, depression, hormonal
problems , injury and side effect of certain drugs .
And given the huge impact of this on couples’ sexual
lives , there is a way out . Experts have advised that
people experiencing this sexual dysfunction could
take a break or get themselves distracted (in the
mind ) when they are about to reach that destination
or men could employ the relaxation technique , in
which case , the wife could caress his scrotum when
she feels he ’ s about to ejaculate. These are
independent of the option of rubbing medically
recommended creams and gels on the penis to
reduce the sensation of the penis and make them last
longer.
Fear of not satisfying the woman:
This factor is akin to premature ejaculation , but
quite different . Findings have shown that it is every
man’ s desire to satisfy his wife sexually . But unlike
women , men tend to reach orgasm faster, and once
they ejaculate, they lose erection, become weak , lose
interest and start feeling sleepy , at which time the
woman may not have reached that destination, given
that it takes them longer to get there . Therefore ,
some men tend to be taunted by the fact that they
may not be able to ‘ deliver’ for as long as is
necessary , thus the fear being discussed sets in . But
there is a way out. Experts have found that (some )
women may not reach orgasm through penetrative
sex because the nerves that should drive them to
reach orgasm are not really in the vagina where they
can be stimulated during sex, but in the clitoris.
Thus, instead of entertaining fears, stimulation of
the nipples and clitoris are easier ways to satisfy
them .
Penis size :
According to experts , this is another
factor that erodes the confidence of men who find
themselves in this situation . It leads to inferiority
complex even among fellow men . And it is for this
reason that some men resort to enlargement of their
penis, so as to command respect and boost their
confidence in the presence of their wives . However ,
studies have shown that the size of the penis may
not matter if ‘ it ’ is for conception , but it is a great
deal when ‘ it ’ is for pleasure . When it is big , it
would be able to reach the nerve endings in the
vaginal walls . But as a way out , experts equally
advise that rather than engage in unhealthy practices
to enlarge their organs , men with small penis should
discuss their fears with their partners and pay
attention to what they can do with what they have.
Fear of not being up to task :
Out of the compelling need to satisfy their wives and
make sure they are not comparatively disadvantaged ,
findings have shown that some men nurse the fear
of not being able to ‘ deliver’ as is expected of them .
Thus, they wonder if they are doing it right, if they
are not old - fashioned or if they are not wild or
abnormal. So, experts have advised that men should
ask their wives what they think of them in bed ,
which could be a step towards a better experience
between them subsequently .
Fear of being too demanding :
Given that men are moved by what they see, it has
been observed that they are wont to make the first
move . Even when they are fatigued , the woman ’ s
appearance could put them in the mood. And
according to studies , most couples have sex twice or
thrice a week . But findings have shown that men
tend to exercise restraints if they feel they are
becoming too demanding. And for those who have a
timetable for sex , going outside the schedule could
instil some fears or restraint .
While men tend to have these fears about their
sexual performance, women also have theirs , some
of which include :
Body appearance :
While men could be rattled by the
size of their penis , women are often unsettled by
what men could think of their body. Some women
who spoke to our correspondent pointed out that the
fears about their body could range from whether
they are too fat or too slim, have saggy breasts or
not, do they smell good, does the vagina emit any
unpleasant sound during intercourse? These
reservations , according to experts , could hamper
their disposition to sex and their performance
eventually , because they tend to want to avoid being
embarrassed. As a way out, women are advised to
discuss their fears with their husbands, ask what the
man thinks about those issues , do they affect his
enjoyment of the act and if they do, they could look
for solutions together.
Fear of wrong perception ..
: One other thing that
bothers women when it comes to sexual
performance is what their husbands would think of
them if they do anything unusual. For some who
have not been sexually active, they tend to nurse the
fear of being seen as passive in bed , and for the
experienced ones , they think of how to exercise
caution so their husbands don’ t see them as wild in
bed . On this, experts advise that women should
study their husbands to know if they would be
receptive to the idea of experimenting with styles , so
as to avoid sending a wrong signal.
A psychologist , Prof . Toba Elegbeleye , said cultural
factors also come into play when talking about sex.
“ The culture here could make women to be passive
during sex, because that is the way it has always
been, and so it might seem like a risk for a woman
to go beyond that ‘ norm ’ , ” he added.
Fear of pregnancy :
For married women who are not interested in
having a child at a particular time , it is a given for
such women to have fears of getting pregnant before
or during sex, especially those who do not do family
planning or use contraceptives . It is also not
impossible for those who use contraceptives to have
such fears, given that doctors have warned that no
contraceptive offers 100 per cent guarantee against
pregnancy . Thus, women who are not interested in
pregnancy tend to feel unsettled when they want to
have sex .
Anxiety attack :
Speaking on the fears exercised by
men and women over their sexual performance,
Elegbeleye , said anxiety attack is another factor that
could dampen people’ s sexual performance. He said ,
“ It occurs as a result of low self esteem, coupled with
some negative stories they might have heard about
sex. On the issue of low self esteem , imagine a wife
telling her husband that he doesn’ t know how to
perform in bed . That man may not be able to do it
well subsequently . That could ruin his self esteem,
and that is part of the reasons why you see some
married men taking to acts like masturbation ,
because they know nobody would query their
performance. Once a man develops cold feet during
sex, that might be the end of it .
Elegbeleye also explained that when couples have
issues to worry about , like inability to have a child
or financial challenges, that could impair their
performance. “ This is because the worry could lead
to stress and when you are stressed; your
performance in bed would also take a hit .” He
advised that couples should discuss their fears for a
better experience .
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